Plus 3 Love Hacks so your vision creates magic straight away.
You know what your ideal life and relationship looks and feels like. You know what you would be doing and not doing. You even know how it tastes and smells.
Your heart’s desires whisper to you whether you are listening or not. Images, dreams and longings arise from a deep and precious place inside you.
Do you listen? Do you share them with your partner? Do you take action?
It is bold to listen, bolder still to share and boldest of all to know you are worthy of the love of your dreams and that you can create it.
Don’t leave it to chance. Don’t hint and hope. Don’t expect your partner to magically know what you need and give it all to you. This way unnecessary disappointment lies. So, let’s talk about it, that life and love you want, and let’s create it.
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t-you’re right.”
What is a Relationship Vision, why would I want one and how do I do it?
A Relationship Vision is so simple and provides so much. In essence it is exploring and then writing down what you would love your intimate life to look and feel like. It can be done by yourself, with a friend or small group or with your partner if you are in an intimate relationship.
The Relationship Vision is a powerful tool for focusing on what you want, rather than on what you don’t want. It can help you create more love and intimacy in a relationship, or to attract the right partner if you are dating. Looking at and reading your vision regularly sends powerful messages to your subconscious and can literally create new neural pathways and change unhelpful patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving, removing the blocks to intimacy.
Creating a vision with a partner opens up communication in a relationship. When you dare to dream and move toward what you truly desire, you give permission for a bigger, more authentic part of you to be expressed. You may discover wonderful things about one another you never knew. Sharing this part of yourself can feel vulnerable, yet it is a vital step into deeper intimacy and trust, bringing depth, connection and energy to your relationship.
You can create an overall vision that reflects the essential qualities and dreams of yourself or your relationship.
You can also do one specifically for a certain time frame, the year ahead, for example, or combine the two.
Let’s get started…
Step 1: Write down, in your own way, your vision of how you want your relational life to look. If you are doing this with someone else, do this part separately first. Open up, listen to your heart’s whisperings and let it flow out of you. It may come out as a story, in bullet points or as images in your mind.
If you are single and not necessarily looking
for a partner, you might write down things such as ‘I enjoy fun and uplifting
social time with friends’ or ‘I have many like-minded friends with whom I experience
deep emotional intimacy and support.’ If you are single and would like a
partner, imagine how it will be with this partner when they arrive. And if you
are in a relationship, envision your actual relationship together as you would
ideally like it to be.
Consider each area of your life-how will you feel,
what will you do, how will you parent together, what will your finances be
like, how will you support one another’s careers, what will your social life be
like, what will your sex life be like, how will your communication be, etc.
Write in the present tense and make your statements positive. For example,
rather than say “We don’t criticise each other or fight much’ say ‘We respect
one another and experience a lot of harmony.”
Some examples could be:
-We laugh together a lot -We have a harmonious family life, our children are thriving and are celebrated and nurtured as individuals -We support and empower one another’s careers We feel emotionally safe with one another and are able to communicate well and repair quickly when there is a disagreement
-We have a wonderful physical relationship and enjoy hugs, sensual touch and fulfilling sexuality
-We are physically healthy and support one another to make choices that optimise health and vitality
Continue in your own way until you have covered all the areas you want and feel complete.
Step 2: Now read over your list and highlight the points that are the most important to you. Also feel and highlight the ones that have the most attraction and energy for you. Sometimes this part can be surprising.
Step 3: Now come together with your partner, friend or group and share what you wrote with one another. Listen and share with curiosity and respect. Remember it is quite an honour to hear what is in another’s heart. If you get inspired by one another’s ideas, allow yourself to talk and dream together, to envisage new possibilities.
Step 4: Creating a shared Vision. If you are creating a Relationship Vision with your partner, you are now going to see which points are the most important to both of you. Bring them together to create a combined vision that is expressed in the positive, it should make you feel good just to read it. If you find areas where your visions differ, get creative and see if there is a way to refine it so that both your needs are met, or how you will support one another to create what is important to you both, even if some of it is done separately. For example, if my partner had a dream to explore the desert, and I don’t like going to the desert, how can I support him to have that adventure with a buddy? Supporting one another’s individual dreams strengthens relationships.
Step 5: Write up your vision in a beautiful way, perhaps with special calligraphy, or put it in a frame. I suggest adding pictures, such as cut outs from magazines, photos or drawings that express the energy you want. The subconscious responds to images and symbols in a particularly powerful way.
Step 6: Display your vision where you will see it every day. Look at and read it with your partner regularly. Add to and refine it as new inspirations and dreams arise-see Love Hack #1!
3 Bonus Love Hacks to Supercharge your Vision
Love Hack #1
Create your vision when you are in a relaxed and expanded space.
If possible, create and refine your Relationship Vision when you are feeling relaxed and expanded. When you are on holidays or after an uplifting evening out, a workshop or retreat are ideal. Right now, at the beginning of a new year is perfect as your attention is naturally turning to what this new phase will bring.
Remember those times you’ve been on holidays
and you get a whole new perspective? You are relaxed and out of your usual
routine. The power of your subconscious and creativity are more easily
available. You see the bigger picture of your life. Creating, refining and
adding to your vision in these moments will add power to the process.
My partner and I often come home from a time away filled with new ideas and inspirations. We now know to talk about them and put them in writing before we get back into our day to day routine when they could easily be forgotten.
Love Hack #2
Put some action steps into your vision and follow through straight away.
This step takes you from strictly visioning to some planning. Stay with the feeling and values of what you want to create. If you see something that can be acted on, make a note of it, and follow through.
For example, if you want fun, quality time together, look at your schedules, mark out some time and book your favourite restaurant, look at what gigs are on, book a babysitter, do what is needed in the spirit of having your dream relationship now. If a dream is in the future, such as an overseas adventure together, open a special account and start channeling savings towards it, do some research, look at pictures of your destination.
A vision is wonderful, a vision plus action creates magic.
Love Hack #3
Doing what you love will give you time and energy!
How often do you put things off because you don’t have enough time or energy?
Here is a little known secret that is well worth experimenting with. Ready?
When you do something you love, even if you are tired, you will come away uplifted and with MORE energy. Your internal state will change and time will work differently. When you come away expanded, relaxed and filled up inside, the work you have to do will be done more quickly, efficiently and enjoyably.
So, prioritize what energizes you and your relationship and enjoy the magical ripples of energy and joy that result.
I hope you enjoy this process and reap many rewards. If you would like to share your experience, have questions or need support, please get in touch.
Author: Martina Duel Dip Couns, BScPT is a Counselor and Workshop facilitator with a life-long curiosity and passion for understanding and healing the wounds between the sexes and creating healthy, joyous relationships. She consistently delivers refreshing new points of view on all aspects of love, intimacy and human connection.