Want Lasting Love?

A loving couple create deep connection using our top 5 communication tips for intimate relationship

Follow these Top 5 Communication tips to create the relationship you want.

The quality of your communication will be the make or break of your relationship. How you communicate will either create trust and intimacy, or sabotage it. Your words can open another’s heart, or close it.

Apply these 5 tips to bring connection, intimacy and joy into your most significant relationships.

In every stage of relationship, the ability to communicate well is vital. From the initial meeting, signalling your interest and accurately reading the other person’s responses, to making a connection, and taking the relationship deeper into a meaningful commitment, communication is key.

The initial chemistry, the excitement of attraction and the promise of the new, are wonderful and intoxicating, but without the ability to communicate well, these alone will not create and sustain a vital, loving intimacy.

A couple attempt to find their way to connection through miscommunication, frustration and misunderstanding. How can they overcome the wounds of the past?

Communication is much more than the words you speak. It is how you connect with others and the world around you, how you express and share who you are and how you let others in. True communication and connection are one of life’s greatest joys, and a deep human need. It is also, at times, a battleground of misunderstanding, frustration and hurt. Poor communication is one of the most often cited reasons for relationship breakdown.

Our top 5 tips may surprise you, remember, we are talking about more than just your words. These tips can enliven and enrich your relationships on many levels:

  • 1. Intimacy With Yourself- This is the starting place of all successful relationships! To connect with another person, you must first be connected to yourself. You have to truly be there, present and aware of your thoughts, feelings and responses. If you aren’t, you will not be able to discern what is really happening in the interaction, or even how you actually feel about the other person. You may find yourself behaving in unusual ways, acting out old habits, or reacting to triggers you were not aware were being activated. Be present with yourself as well as with others; track your thoughts, feelings and body sensations during all communication.
A woman lies in autumn leaves in a state of self acceptance and self intimacy.

  • 2. Listen– how good are you at really listening? You may find you are only half listening, waiting for your turn to speak, or distracted by other thoughts. Or you may be listening only to formulate your response or counter-argument! Instead, listen deeply and with curiosity to discover who the other person really is, what their experience of life is like. This is the beginning of intimacy.

Listen deeply and with curiosity to discover the other person. This is the beginning of intimacy.


  • 3. Authenticity– Relationships and dating can bring up feelings of insecurity, fear of hurt and rejection. We develop strategies, mostly unconsciously, such as trying to please the other person, attempting to be what we think they want, or trying to control the situation. Such strategies result in not showing who you really are, not being yourself.

A relationship that develops based on these kinds of strategies is not sustainable for long. At the end of the day you can only be yourself and you cannot control life or other people.

From the beginning, take a risk and express yourself truthfully, what you really think, feel and need.

If you are liked for who you actually are, you can relax and enjoy the relationship. If being authentic means you find you are not compatible with someone, it is better to know that in the beginning, before you contort yourself or them out of shape trying to make a relationship with low compatibility work.

Two men embrace in the emotional safety that comes with authenticiy

  • 4. Create the Relationship you want – If you are on a date and you are bored, or if you are in a rut in your relationship, figure out what you want and how you can use communication, your words, your tone of voice, your body language, to create it.

Take the initiative and set the tone for the kind of connection you want. Habitually focusing on problems, without also having deep intimacy and fun, will drain the vitality out of any relationship.

How do you really want to express yourself that would be more honest or enlivening? What is an activity you would enjoy doing together? Use your creativity to initiate more of what you desire, don’t wait and hope the other person will do it for you. Note: I’m not suggesting here that you avoid talking about difficult topics at all, however, habitually processing and focusing on problems, without also having deep intimacy and fun, will drain the vitality out of any relationship.

An adventurous couple ride bikes in the sunset, holding hands, symbolizing their aliveness, intimacy and connection.

  • 5. Permission to Express Passion!– Once a commitment is made, couples often stop expressing desire for one another. Other priorities such as homes, children and careers take over. ‘The Spark’ dies and the couple complains that the passion is gone. The truth is that we are fundamentally sensual, sexual beings. Our erotic lives are powerful and strongly linked to a sense of well-being and passion for life. We enjoy and are enlivened by feeling our desirability and potency.

There are unlimited ways to express desire, make an adventure of exploring this together.

A couple express their love for one another using body language, eye contact, touch, physical closeness, tenderness to keep intimacy alive

Continue to find ways to express your attraction to your partner, a lingering gaze or touch, sensual body language, a sexy text…there are unlimited ways to express desire, make an adventure of exploring this together. You can keep the spark alive if you tend the flame and express it!


Great communication creates an atmosphere of trust and emotional safety, allowing you to care for one another, support one another and enjoy vibrant creativity and connection.

When you apply these principles the results can seem almost magical. There is much more to be said, yet these 5 tips alone will help you create a relationship that is exciting, authentic and passionate, a sanctuary where you can truly be yourself.

Author: Martina Duel Dip Couns, BScPT is a Counselor and Workshop facilitator with a life-long curiosity and passion for understanding and healing the wounds between the sexes and creating healthy, joyous relationships. She consistently delivers refreshing new points of view on all aspects of love, intimacy and human connection.

Find Martina on Social Media: @letloveinglobal

P: +61 (0) 491 091 651

Martina Duel is a Counselor and Workshop facilitator with a life-long curiosity and passion for understanding and healing the wounds between the sexes and creating healthy, joyous relationships.

A man and woman hold hands moving forward with confidence in relationship with relationship skills support

Welcome to the LoversJourneyBlog

Hello and welcome to the LoversJourneyBlog. I read a book in my early 20’s that woke me up and that changed the course of my life. I don’t have the exact words, but the idea was this:

“At the end of life, we don’t look back and rejoice in our possessions, the money we made or the deals we cut, our lives have meaning and we are fulfilled by the love we have known and how we have contributed.”

It is my heart’s desire to support you to make those memories the best ones possible, starting today.

An older couple embrace enjoying emotional intimacy in this new phase of relationships

Here you will find information, ideas, discussions and stories about all things to do with relationships, love and intimacy.

You will find out what’s new from current thought leaders, research and neuroscience as well as age-old tried and true wisdom. And you’ll get practical tips and ideas from a qualified Counselor and Relationship and Dating Coach to apply in your life.

Love is a Journey

Love is, indeed, a journey, with different knowledge and support needed at different times and stages of your life. Life is full of change and so are people. For example, at different times of your life you could be:

-single

-rebuilding your life following divorced

-wondering how to take a new relationship deeper

-dating

-navigating changes in your sexual attractions

-coming up against old wounds and patterns

-wanting more emotional intimacy in relationships

-married

-experiencing gender fluidity or changing gender identification

-adjusting to parenthood

-experiencing sexual intimacy issues

-having communication problems

-navigating the social and physical changes of aging…

The list is endless. We are complex. As individuals and as a culture, we are constantly growing and changing. No matter what your age or relationship structure, there will always be new horizons to explore as love deepens and life changes.

At the heart of it, we all desire to love and be loved, to be close to others and to feel safe, valued and respected. Here you will find inspiration, support and understanding for your journey.