Follow these Top 5 Communication tips to create the relationship you want.
Apply these 5 tips to bring connection, intimacy and joy into your most significant relationships.
In every stage of relationship, the ability to communicate well is vital. From the initial meeting, signalling your interest and accurately reading the other person’s responses, to making a connection, and taking the relationship deeper into a meaningful commitment, communication is key.
The initial chemistry, the excitement of attraction and the promise of the new, are wonderful and intoxicating, but without the ability to communicate well, these alone will not create and sustain a vital, loving intimacy.
Communication is much more than the words you speak. It is how you connect with others and the world around you, how you express and share who you are and how you let others in. True communication and connection are one of life’s greatest joys, and a deep human need. It is also, at times, a battleground of misunderstanding, frustration and hurt. Poor communication is one of the most often cited reasons for relationship breakdown.
- 1. Intimacy With Yourself- This is the starting place of all successful relationships! To connect with another person, you must first be connected to yourself. You have to truly be there, present and aware of your thoughts, feelings and responses. If you aren’t, you will not be able to discern what is really happening in the interaction, or even how you actually feel about the other person. You may find yourself behaving in unusual ways, acting out old habits, or reacting to triggers you were not aware were being activated. Be present with yourself as well as with others; track your thoughts, feelings and body sensations during all communication.
- 2. Listen– how good are you at really listening? You may find you are only half listening, waiting for your turn to speak, or distracted by other thoughts. Or you may be listening only to formulate your response or counter-argument! Instead, listen deeply and with curiosity to discover who the other person really is, what their experience of life is like. This is the beginning of intimacy.
- 3. Authenticity– Relationships and dating can bring up feelings of insecurity, fear of hurt and rejection. We develop strategies, mostly unconsciously, such as trying to please the other person, attempting to be what we think they want, or trying to control the situation. Such strategies result in not showing who you really are, not being yourself.
A relationship that develops based on these kinds of strategies is not sustainable for long. At the end of the day you can only be yourself and you cannot control life or other people.
- 4. Create the Relationship you want – If you are on a date and you are bored, or if you are in a rut in your relationship, figure out what you want and how you can use communication, your words, your tone of voice, your body language, to create it.
Take the initiative and set the tone for the kind of connection you want. Habitually focusing on problems, without also having deep intimacy and fun, will drain the vitality out of any relationship.
How do you really want to express yourself that would be more honest or enlivening? What is an activity you would enjoy doing together? Use your creativity to initiate more of what you desire, don’t wait and hope the other person will do it for you. Note: I’m not suggesting here that you avoid talking about difficult topics at all, however, habitually processing and focusing on problems, without also having deep intimacy and fun, will drain the vitality out of any relationship.
- 5. Permission to Express Passion!– Once a commitment is made, couples often stop expressing desire for one another. Other priorities such as homes, children and careers take over. ‘The Spark’ dies and the couple complains that the passion is gone. The truth is that we are fundamentally sensual, sexual beings. Our erotic lives are powerful and strongly linked to a sense of well-being and passion for life. We enjoy and are enlivened by feeling our desirability and potency.
Continue to find ways to express your attraction to your partner, a lingering gaze or touch, sensual body language, a sexy text…there are unlimited ways to express desire, make an adventure of exploring this together. You can keep the spark alive if you tend the flame and express it!
Great communication creates an atmosphere of trust and emotional safety, allowing you to care for one another, support one another and enjoy vibrant creativity and connection.
Author: Martina Duel Dip Couns, BScPT is a Counselor and Workshop facilitator with a life-long curiosity and passion for understanding and healing the wounds between the sexes and creating healthy, joyous relationships. She consistently delivers refreshing new points of view on all aspects of love, intimacy and human connection.
Find Martina on Social Media: @letloveinglobal
P: +61 (0) 491 091 651